You are absolutely in no control over your instincts. They have been locked in by nature. This is the reason that diets do not work. With great effort you can control what you eat for a short period of time. A very short period of time. In the end you are in absolutely no control over how much you eat and what you like to eat. You can not trick yourself into thinking you are full when you are not. The result is Yo-Yo dieting which may be medically worse than remaining consistently fat.
The single most important tool you need to control your weight and stay healthy (this includes people of all shapes and sizes), the single most important tool nature gave to us, is the ability to control our environment.
Men and women are different. They are designed for different lifestyles. They are physically and metabolically different. Their energy use and requirements are different. It is a beautiful thing and a perfect example of divide and conquer. Humans are better at survival in groups and the principle group is the family (followed by the extended family, the tribe, the town, the city, the state, the country, and hopefully someday the earth followed by the universe). Understanding family function explains some of the metabolic and instinctive differences between the sexes.
The basis of this difference is rather obvious: women get pregnant and men do not. Women lactate and men do not. Over the vast majority of the last five million years, our ancestral females spent the bulk of their adult lives pregnant, lactating, or both. By adult, I mean from menarche to about 50 and most of us did not make it past 40 anyway (why do you think women lose their ovarian function at around 50?) Children breast-fed for 2 years which means that women were tied to their children physically. Their child protection instinct evolved to be very strong and (given their intelligence) extremely ornate. Women who have not yet had children do not fully understand this - the instinct has not become active yet. Similarly, men do have a child protection instinct, but it is not as strong and it operates differently. Most SUV buyers are women because they like being up higher. This is their child protection instinct in operation and the American automobile industry couldn’t be happier.
Being pregnant and lactating all the time means that women had consistently higher basal metabolic demands. Men on the other hand, had relatively lower basal metabolic demands. Their intensive metabolic demands were sporadic when they were running or fighting. As women are designed to make, feed, and protect children, men are designed to protect the family and hunt. In modern times, women have been able to join the workforce because there are now prolonged periods on either side of motherhood when they are not directly responsible for raising and protecting their children. The average American man no longer spends his time doing his original job of running around hunting and being hunted (I certainly don't). Unless they work out aerobically, they do not exhibit high output activity levels to match those of the hunt. So now we have two distinctly different biological machines functioning in new environments with extremely different activity levels than what they were built for. How do we mimic our real environment? How do we learn to operate our metabolisms correctly?